cruise XIII
by amaterasu houkou
Summary: A heatwave consumes the castle that never was, so mansex disides that they shoud all go on a cruise. Things get out of control from there
1. an and to the chaos

Blame the conversation I had with my friend about her winning some kind of vacation, thus sparking this little monstrosity! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that has to do with kingdom hearts. Not even saix sniff ...so sad

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**_AN END TO THE CHAOS _**

_Time: _12:00

_Place:_ Castle Oblivion, the Den

Boredom and a heat wave consumed the castle that never was, and nobody was getting any relief from it. And high noon was not what they wanted in this season they called summer. Xemnas taking no delight in it himself. The heat was melting him along the sea-salt ice cream he had stuck in his shirt and robe, but had no effect on the situation at hand. "God forbid it gets any hotter" he complained nearly passed out on the floor. Unforutionaly the Ac was on the frizz and every nobody in the castle was having there problems.

The freeshooter's ammo was going off randomly, a few hitting the wall and the static induced TV. Xemnas looked up and rolled his eyes knowing that it's been doing that since this morning and told him to put it in the freezer. But did he listen? Nope. Intend he let it shoot off, while everybody else ducked behind the couch. Ammo and fireworks flying everywhere you couldn't blame them. With all that crap flying around who wouldn't?

Xaldin hid under the couch, while fanning himself with his hand. His wind couldn't cool down the place no matter how hard he tried, he just wished he just wished there was a pool somewhere in the castle.

Vexen, Lexaeus, and Zexion had retired to the basement levels of the castle to escape the heat. Vexen was doing experiments on monkeys, trying to make them more human, and failing misibly because they where about to have a heat stroke from it. lexaeus and zexion were throwing darts, ignoring the situation and the occasional drywall falling from the sealing in the upper levels.

Saix had now adapted to the nocturnal life, except for the occasional trip to the bathroom, kitchen and meetings. One thing was for certain, he did not want to be in the heat.

Axel was to only one who wasn't complaining, since he was basely radiated the heat in the first place, making him the soul target of all the recent ammo explosions and desperate attempts to cool him down.

Demyx was getting allot of complaints from marluxia that he was wasting the water supply while his plants where suffering, but he couldn't help it. He looked like he was about pass out himself, even with all the ice vexen was hogging.

And larxene and roxas were trying to fend themselves off from flying ammunition and that's when things went from bad to worse

THUD...

A heavy silence was in the room; in shock of what happened.

The arrows landed over her head and the worse part of this was, it cut off some of her hair

"Oh no..." Xigbar started crab-walking toward the door as sparks started from the nymph.

"EVERYMAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!!!!!" Every guy in that room stamped out of the room as thunder started setting things of fire. Saix was coming from his room at the same time and didn't look so happy about it. "WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FU-" he was cut off by the stampede of nobodies running like sissies running him over.

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A few hours later...

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All the nobodies where seated in the throne room, none of them in their cloaks, most of them in shorts and tank tops (in axel's case only boxers) and a fan in their hands. Knowing Xemnas, they all were doing something else. Xigbar and Xaldin were try to keep themselves from killing each other, Vexen was literally melting, lexaeus looked like a well done lobster, zexion was partially dieing, and the rest looked like they where about to go mad as Mansex began his boring speech.

"As you all know, this heat wave has put a toll on our budget and our nerves. And an intervention is needed to rid us of the heat wave."

"NAH! A divine intervention is needed!" larxene snapped.

"Yes. I know that, but-"

"DUDE! The AC's out, All the ice-cream is gone because of your ass AND NOT TO MENTION **MY PLANTS ARE DIEING!" **Marly shouted, cutting mansex off.

"Let me fin-"

"IT'S TOO HOT!" Roxas whined in spite of himself.

"Not even the wind Xaldin can conjer up, could cool up down!" vexen yelled.

"Not to metion axel's making it much more heated in here." zexion said. Axel gave a smirk.

"At least I'm bringin' sexyback." he cooed.

A heavy silence filled the room.

"I think the heat's gone to his head" Xildan commented.

"dude, he should save that for larx" Xibar said trying to keep in he laughter, but got an near head shot from from one of larxene's thowing knifes

"In that case, I make this short and sweet. We're going on a cruise." xemnas said makeing everyone shut up.

Everyone's ears perked up, An idea that had no missions involed was genous to them. Xigbar and Axel had bikini watch on there minds, Saix thought about sampling the buffet while zexion just wanted a quiet place to sceam in, we all know he was squealing on the inside. vexen could do some experiments on some of the passengers, just the thought of it made him smirk. Demyx just wanted some water for god's sake! While the resident pan...I mean marly wanted to see the gardens and larxene and roxas just wanted to just in a nice **COLD** pool.

"Pack your belongings; we are leaveing in a couple of hours."

At that statement, they all vanished in a cloud of kicked up smoke leaveing xemnas sitting there like a lump on a log. "Well this shout be interesting" he muttered to himself as he left the room himself (but more calmly then the others).

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Please R&R


	2. geting there is hell in a handbasket

**_GETTING THERE IS HELL IN A HANDBASKET_**

**TIME: **5:30

**LOCATION:** Org. minivan

Xemnas sighed. He never knew how annoying or tireing driveing to the docks could be. '_Great! Anymore nobodies in this thing, It'll explode!'_ Mansex thought. It was true. All 13 of them and their lugage where cramed into that thing. Vexen had shotgun, reading something about feet; Axel, Roxas and demyx where in the in the front row behind him, singing 'I like big butts', behind them where Xigbar, Xaldin, lexaeus, and luxord where playing go fish; in the last row was zexion, marluxia, siax and larxene, playing road kill bingo.

Vexen rolled his eyes. "will you three shut up?!"

Xemnas rolled his eyes and looked up into the mirror. Meanwhile, Xigbar and Xaldin were shooting or stabing little innocent creatures they happened to pass on the road, lexaeus and luxord where playing polker, while a certan keyblader just had to start singing sexyback. "kingdom hearts strike me dead where I sit." saix siad, geting to the point where he wanted to stangle him. He shrugged and stared out the window.

Even though he was the one prone to going bezerk over the littlest things, he was still thinking about haveing a heart. Daydreaming go the better of him while the rest of the organization went into a tailspin.

"aw! come on xemmy! just turn on the radio!" demyx whined as the batterys died in his cd player.

"I said no number nine." mansex replied, geting red in the face.

"please?"

"no"

"pretty please?"

"I said no!"

"Oh come on!" demyx reached for the radio, turning it on only to hear a horrific tune pissing xemnas off.

_I'm bringing sexy back  
Them other boys don't know how to act  
I think your special, what's behind your back?  
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack._

He wasn't the only one pissed, Larxene looked up from her bingo card, with the murderous intenet in her eyes. She thew a kuni at the radio, almost xigbar in his good eye, changeing it a even worse song.

Well you left me anyhow  
And then the days got worse and worse  
And now you see I've gone  
Completely out of my mind

Saix, looking really creeped out, reached over to the "sound box of doom" trying to find something better that what was playing. Unfortunely it was to "my milkshake"

_My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And their like "It's better than yours"  
Damn right, It's better than yours,  
I can teach you, but I have to charge_

_My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,  
And their like "It's better than yours"  
Damn right, It's better than yours,  
I can teach you, but I have to charge _

Demyx swayed along with the beat, but was short lived when Xaldin, who was geting annoyed, stabed it untill it was no more. Demyx wore a forlorn look on his face, while the rest of the group sighed in relefe. "at least that's over with" xigbar said with his head and dual sniper out the window. "uh..xig? what are you doing?" Zexion asked as xiggy was aiming for something in the air. "Giant bird little dude! This'll be on hell of a trophy!" BOOM! "RAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!" "Uh-Oh." what was comeing out of the sky above them was not a bird. It was long and serpantine, had five toes on each claw, snow white carp-like scales and a dog like face and was spialing down toward them. "catch it!" marluxia yelled as the "thing" hit the car's sun roof and fell into xigbar, Xaldin, luxord and lexaus's lap while it's really long tail rested on vexen and xemnas.

"what is that montrosity?!" marulxia asked in a panic. "don't look at me! but I think it's from the land of dragons." Xaldan said as it blood dripped onto the floor. "I don't care what that thing is just stop it from bleeding!" xemnas yelled nowwith his livesaber out. "give it to me" zexion said reaching over the seat and lefting it by the head. "it's female." he siad.

"how do know?" larx said dryly.

"short horns" zexy simply replyed.

Siax looked over it. The thing was atleast 40 ft and was bleeding badly. "bandage it up" he said thowing him a roll of cloth and some glaze. "whatever." zexion tended to the injured thing as axel, demyx and roxas looked on in aw. "ooooo! shiney!" roxas said as he grabed it's tail (which was srangleing mansex) and started tryed to keep it from smacking him the face. "let me try!" but it was too late, the thing was already trashing from the sting of the glaze. "GET THE DAMN THING UNDER CONTROL!" larxene screamed trying to bat it away from. axel grabed on to it's hind leg trying to pull it down, only to be slashed in the face by it's claws while marly was trying to get a hold of it as it whent over toward saix. "get away from me." he snarled. It smiled at him as if it was a little girl and curled up on the floor undered the seat. "whoa. I never knew fangface could calm it down" larxene snickered. the curious thing started slithering around the car near vexen and started nuzzleing him.

"I'm geting way to old for this" he muddered as it turned towared xemnas. "GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" he yelled at it. With a whimper, slithered back toward saix and coiled around him shakeing. "why. me." Axel was trying to keep himself the snickering dispite the pain in his face when a 20 dollor bill got slaped right in his face. "HEY WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" he yelled. it snickered in reply. "I bet laughing at your hair axel." luxord said as it fell asleep. "at least that's the end of that." xemnas sighed.

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Three hours had passed after the "drake" as zexion called it had joined them in the car. they there all asleep except zemnas as night started to fall. the drake was asleep among the lugage; larxene and marluxia were drooling, xigbar was snoreing; saix and xaldin where proped up by the window; axel, demyx and roxas where in a pile asleep; Luxord had a ryoal flush in his hand and sleeping during polker game with lexaeus who was also asleep and vexen was curled up in the chair. Xamnas looked like liveing dead and already had three cups of coffie, he wasn't to excited about this anymore_. 'are you alright?' _"what?" A quiet voice entered his mind. "who's there" _'the one you told me to go away.' _he turned around to see the drake bearly awake looking at him.

"I admit that I yelled at you. your a threat to us."

_'why? my kind are peaceful.'_

"I don't care."

_'your mean!'_

"I know I am"

_'and a manwhore!'_

"what did you just say?!" He got no reply, the drake had gone back to sleep among the lugage, with a redish tint in it's scales, but he couldn't tell because darkness of the night. But he had a bad feeling that something was gonna go very,VERY wrong.

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Morning had arived. The sun was shineing, the organization members where finaly at the dock where the cruise liner ,called the S.S Jokster and everyone was full awake...well...almost everyone.

Xemnas was now whiped out. He litterly fell out of the car and whent to sleep on the ground...out cold. "my god what happened to him?" marluxia said sarcasticly. "14 hours of driveing does that to ya." xigbar said opened the trunk. His good eye widened seeing the unexpected, a woman just about axel's age but almost as tall as saix was just wakeing up among the bags in a nightgown as white as her hair was siting among the bags.

"what time is it?" she said rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"what's takeing so- what the?" axel said with a nosebleed

Roxas looked at him, then at the woman and asked. "what's your name?"

"lunix." she replied. Saix came to the scene and started geting the bag, ignoreing lunix. She got out herself and left to the boat, but not with out giveing a good kick "down south" to xemnas leave him in the fetal position whineing in pain leaveing axel to say as he got up "this'll be one hell of a vacation"

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(reads over fic) I know this chapter is short but please bear with me, hopefuly the next one with be longer and any and all ideas are accepted! so please review! 


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